This has been a strange summer and, honestly, I could've gone without pretty much 100% of it. Very little happened that I actually enjoyed, and a great lot of it was actually pretty crappy. I learned things, I guess, but it was mostly stuff I wish I hadn't had to learn. People suck, even (especially?) when they're related to you. No matter how many times you experience loss, it never gets easy. Folks don't communicate nearly as well as you think they do. Just because you're nice to someone doesn't mean they aren't going to be an ass in return. Stuff like that. It's stuff that one ought to know, in theory, but it doesn't become something to live by until you have to actually experience it yourself. And then it starts to suck.
It's been a bit of a downer, and I don't really know how to talk about it with people. Clear solution: spew it into the endless ether of the Web. I'm a little disgusted with myself.
Junior year of college starts tomorrow, which is very weird. People keep using the term "halfway over"to refer to our college experience, and I wish they would quit it because I'm not ready to be done with college. After college comes medical school (hopefully), and I'm not nearly as excited for that transition as I was for the one from high school. I want to feel optimistic, but I'm not finding much to work with right now.
I guess I should put things in perspective, though. I have a great job, and my friends are back on campus now. I'm still tight as ever with my parents and brother. I have good relationships, and I'm working on making new ones. I'm a respected member of the college community--a leader, even. That's all good stuff.
Classes start soon, and there's nothing for mood-elevation like routine (I suppose). I'm hoping that this year will be better than last year, and that the burnout I'm concerned about will just leave me alone.
I'm tired. When I'm not surrounded by people, it's easy for me to sink into dark funks, which are difficult for me to pull myself out of. I feel old, and stale. I hate to think of myself as being dried up and boring at the age of 20, but that's where I seem to have found myself.
This is probably just the fatigue talking. Things are supposed to look better in the morning, right?